Absolutely Ridiculous English Spelling
|Lesson 5. Time out for some Word Fun|
Poets think it's sublime when the words they write rhyme,
But to Teachers and Students, they're trouble.
Is it right to write white or is it rite to right wight,
And when do those consonants double?
Is it 'i' before 'e' except after 'c',
Or is it 'e' before 'i' as in weird and seize,
But then what do you say
When they sound like 'A'
As in neighbor and weight and sleigh?
We're told 'oo' sounds like 'u' as in shoot and cartoon,
But then blood, door and floor sing a different tune.
It's driving me mad, all those sayings and rules
To help us make sense (cents?) of it all.
Here are a few sentences which show how difficult it can be to figure out how to spell a word from its sound. Sentence 1 uses six different ways to spell the Long U sound. Sentence 2 uses three ways to spell the Long A sound. Sentence 3 uses two different ways each to spell Long O, Long I and Long E. Sentence 4 uses three ways to spell the Short E sound.
1. I knew it was you who put his shoe through the flue.
2. We had to wait at the gate for the slow-moving freight.
3. With a mote in my eye and a fly in my throat, I could see the ship sail out to sea.
4. Fred from his bed said, "I wish I were dead."
Following are some word exercises known as tongue-twisters. Persons training to become radio or television announcers or actors, as well as people with speech problems, use these exercises to improve their pronunciation. Say each one quickly three to five times, if you can.
|Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked. If Peter picked a peck of pickled peppers, where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?|
|She sells sea shells down by the seashore.|
|Rubber baby buggy bumpers.|
|She ripped a sheet, a sheet she ripped.|
|Theophilus Thistle, the successful thistle sifter, sifted three thousand thistles by the thick of his thumb.|
The following chart will give you examples of some of the most confusing aspects of English - words that are spelled exactly the same but are pronounced differently and have different meanings. The first lesson has already touched on many of those pairs. This chart will review those words and add some more. Stressed syllables or letters pronounced differently will be in red.
|address (noun) = where you live ;
address (verb)= to make a speech
|sewer [Long U, like
newer] (noun) = channel for waste water ;
sewer [Long O, like lower] (noun) = person who stitches clothing.
|abuse [S ](noun) = ill treatment ; abuse [Z] (verb) = to use badly, injure.||perfect (adjective) = ideal, without a flaw ; perfect (verb) = to improve or make flawless|
|bow [Long O] (noun)
= device to shoot arrows or play a violin ;
bow [ OU as in cow] (verb) = tilt head or body forward as sign of respect
|lead [Long E as
seed ] (verb) = show the way, take charge ;
lead [Short E as bed ] (noun) = a heavy, soft shiny gray metal
|sow [Long O] (verb)
= spread seeds for planting ;
sow [OU as in cow] (noun) = female pig
|tear [Long E as
fear] (noun) = water made by eyes to show emotion
tear [Long A as care] (verb) = to break the fiber of paper or cloth, rip.
|object (verb) = to be opposed ; object (noun) = a body of matter or a thing||reject (noun) = someone or something not approved or accepted
reject (verb) = to refuse to accept
|subject (noun) = topic of interest ; subject (verb) = to cause to submit or undergo||refuse (noun) = remains having no value, garbage
refuse (verb) = to decline to accept or submit to
|wound [Long U as tune] (noun) = an injury||wound [AU as sound] (verb) = past tense of wind, to tighten a spring by twisting|
Traditional Grammar Rules: "To follow them or not to follow them, that is the question."
"Never end a sentence with a preposition." Bad examples:
|"Who did you go to the movies with?"||"With whom did you go to the movies?"|
|"What did you shut the door for?"||"Why did you close the door?"|
|"Who did you give the book to?"||"To whom did you give the book?"|
|"Where did you leave your jacket at?"||"At what location did you leave your jacket?" or "Where did you leave your jacket?"|
|"Never split an Infinitive." Bad examples:||Corrected examples:|
|"I want you to carefully put your clothes away."||"I want you to put your clothes away carefully."|
|"John began to quietly sneak up the stairs."||"John began to sneak up the stairs quietly." or "John quietly began to sneak up the stairs."|
|"The class was told to neatly and correctly fill out the forms."||"The class was told to fill out the forms neatly and correctly."|
|"We were able to finally leave the meeting."||"Finally, we were able to leave the meeting." or "We were finally able to leave the meeting."|
|"Always use the correct Subject and Object Pronouns." Wrong.||Corrected examples:|
|"The teacher told Jenny and I to collect the papers."||"The teacher told Jenny and me to collect the papers."|
|"Yesterday, John and me went to the junkyard."||"Yesterday, John and I went to the junkyard."|
|"My little brother went with Mary and I to the show."||"My little brother went with Mary and me to the show."|
|"All my friends and me decided to play baseball."||"All my friends and I decided to play baseball."|
Fun Stuff with the Letter S
(If you can think of other examples, let me know.)
|Adding an S at the end of these words changes the word completely.||cares + S = caress ; needles + S = needless ; deadlines + S
= deadliness ;
timelines + S = timeliness ;
|Adding an S to the beginning of these words changes them completely.||S + word = sword ; S + laughter = slaughter ; S + have =
shave ; S + even = seven ;
S + tone = stone ; S + nail = snail ; S + lot = slot ; S + pot = spot ; S + not = snot ;
S + table = stable ; S + lash = slash ; S + wallow = swallow ; S + pill = spill
When Contractions Sound Like Single Words
Contractions are formed from two or more words joined together, often with one or more letters left out, to make the pronunciation smoother or easier. An apostrophe ( ' ) is used to show were a letter or letters have been left out. Here are some examples:
was + not = wasn't (pronounced /wuzent/ ) O was left out
are + not = aren't (pronounced /arnt/ ) ; O was left out.
what + is = what's ; I was left out.
I + have = I've HA was left out.
|I + will = I'll ; sounds like isle, aisle||he + will = he'll ; sounds like heel, heal|
|they + are = they're ; sounds like there, their||we + will = we'll ; sounds like wheel|
|can + not = can't ; sounds like cant (tilt)||you + will = you'll ; sounds like yule|
|he + would or he + had = he'd ; sounds like heed||we + are = we're ; sounds like weir (a fish trap)|
Serious Discussion: At first the situation may seem to be hopeless. There are many words that are so illogical that no rules cover them. Every spelling book we have ever seen sooner or later resorts to this rule to learn to spell in English: Study! Study! Practice! Practice! Memorize! Memorize! On the next page, we will discuss some Spelling Rules that can be relied on some of the time. Click HERE to go to the next page.
Assignment: Practice making up rhymes or short poems with the words from these lessons. The rhymes can be silly or serious, funny or nasty, but the more interesting they are, the easier they will be to remember, which will help you remember the words themselves. Try to use the words you have the most trouble with, because they are the ones that you most need to practice and become familiar with. Who knows ....this may be the beginning of a new career for you as a poet.
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